Way too much, Levi.” I let out a deep breath, and push the plate away from me. My appetite is gone now. “I can’t do this. I need a break.” I stand from my chair and start to back away from him. I need to put as much room between us as I can. If he touches me, I’ll change my mind. “This is all too much, too fast. I need a break. Please, Levi. I hate to ask this of you, but can you go?” I can feel the panic attack brewing and I don’t want him to witness the nastiness that is my manic behavior.
“Seven, can we please talk about this?” His tone is pleading, and I can’t reply. I stand still, arms wrapped around my body, praying he’ll walk out of my life as fast as he possibly can.
“Please. Go.” My breathing becomes faster, and my hands shake as they harshly grip my own arms.
He turns without a word and makes his way to the elevator. Only a minute more and I can crack. Shatter. Retreat back into my fucked up head. Back to my fucked up life where I am worthless and where no one wants me. There, I am safe. The only person I am safe with is myself. It will always be like this.
I hear the slam of the elevator door and my entire body slips down the wall, sagging onto the kitchen floor as the hysterics pour out of me. First, it starts ever so slowly with tears. Followed by a meek cry. My breathing becomes more rapid with each memory that flashes through my overactive brain.
“You are destined to be alone, forever, Seven. You are just too fucked up.” Blue’s words echo through my ears.
“You’ll never get your shit together long enough to love anyone but yourself,” my father adds. Way to add insult to injury.
Without missing a beat, Daniel’s voice slams through my ears.
“You are nothing more than a good fuck, and a warm body.” He should have just carved my heart right out of my chest at that moment. “Seven, you aren’t a forever kind of girl.”
No, I am not built for forever. I am not the kind of girl you bring home to your parents. That had been drilled into my head repeatedly over the years. A good fuck, a warm body. But never a forever. My labored breaths turn into gasps for air, my shaking out of control as I sob uncontrollably on my kitchen floor. I am destined to be alone. Forever. That is the only forever I will get.